How it FEELS to be Defrocked

Actually as the story of my defrocking was unfolding, and it took almost exactly a year from the time I became aware that the men on the Standing Committee were working to take my credentials away, I wondered how being defrocked would feel. And, ahead of time, I didn't know.


So, how do I feel now that I have been defrocked?


Oddly, surprisingly, I don't feel much. And, I don't think I'm in denial.


So I've been wondering why.


For a while, I thought that part of it is that my emotion is going elsewhere. For the last week or so, the family has been going through some especially difficult issues related to my parents' physical and mental health. So much so that, on the morning of the day the vote was going to be taken to defrock me I went for a walk early (before I left for work) and I planned to think and pray about the defrocking and found that I couldn't do that because my mind focused itself on mom and dad and how we, as a family, would work through their current problems.


In recent days, I've probed my heart for any emotion: Sadness, anger, frustration, fear, despair, abandonment or joy or relief or simple happiness. And, honestly, I'm finding nothing.


And, it finally dawned on me what's going on.


At times like this, my go-to prayer is based on Philippians 4, what is it? verses 6 & 7? "Don't be anxious about anything..."


And, I did pray according to that model when I did pray about being defrocked.


In the end, it has occurred to me that that prayer has been answered.


The promise in those verses is that God's peace that transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.


That seems to be where I am.


I came to grips a long time ago that if I lived in my calling to be a prophet in the midst of a body in decline that I would have to say things people didn't want to hear and that I would become unpopular and would be despised by some.


And, that has become a reality to so great a degree that I have now been defrocked.


I'll take that over being unfaithful to what I believe the Lord has called me to be and do.


So, how do I feel being defrocked? Peaceful.