Watching My Mom's Body and My Dad's Mind Deteriorate

It's been a tough month emotionally for our family.

As I've posted, mom fell and, to use laymen's terms, crushed her tailbone about a month ago. There is no way to repair the damage.

Mom's tough. In all my years, I've rarely heard her complain, except about the behavior of my brother and me as we were growing up.

Since the fall, she been telling us how bad the pain is and she grunts and groans when she moves. She been on a narcotic for the pain. Last week, Evie and she met with her doctor to address the issue of pain management and possible addiction to the drug.

Through all of that, dad is oblivious. His dementia is so advanced that he doesn't remember that she fell or that she is in pain. And, it seems to be beyond him to care.

His memory is all but shot. He still knows mom but usually doesn't understand that they are married--or what means. He still recognizes me and usually knows my name but usually doesn't understand that I am his son. He knows Evie but can't put it together that I am married to her. (He responds when we refer to him as dad but it may be because he thinks that dad is a nickname.)

As far gone as his mind is, his body's still mobile. He moves slowly, using his "stick," but he can still ambulate.

And, that's a problem.

Mom can't keep up with him and, in her pain, doesn't care to.

And, with dementia herself, often doesn't use good judgment when dealing with dad.

So,...

...the staff of the home is suggesting that they move to a smaller room on another floor of the facility where there will be more contact between the staff and mom and dad.

Currently, mom and dad have a very nice two room apartment. The move will be a major step down for them.

Mom seems to be okay with the move. I take this to be an indication of how intense her pain is.

Dad, on the other hand, doesn't understand or, from moment to moment, remember. We've re-explained the move and the reasons for it more times than I can count. And, they only found out about the move six days ago.

He's never accepted change well. So, the stress of his understanding and resisting will he hard on us all, especially mom. Dad's sweet. But he can be a handful.

The move takes place tomorrow.

Unfortunately, tomorrow, July 3, will be one of the busiest days of the year at the store and I'm scheduled to work for ten hours.

The rest of the family will be around for mom and dad, and I'm thankful for that.

The emotion of all of this is crushing. All of us are exhausted.