The last month or so has been a bit of a struggle for me emotionally, spiritually and physically.
On each level, I can't say that I've felt low as much as, simply, very blah.
Physically, the vertigo still is an issue. I've had some days that it's been pretty bad, though nothing like it was during that first episode. But, when it's even a little bad, I have trouble concentrating and become even more fatigued than I am normally.
A friend of our is an ear, nose and throat physician. She suspects that I may have Meniere's disease. I don't know much about what that is but I do know that, to help manage it, a person should avoid alcohol, tobacco (neither of which are an issue) salt and caffeine. I like to add salt to food and I my favorite soft drinks are all highly caffeinated.
I try to monitor my caffeine consumption carefully, but I rarely abstain for a whole day, and one day recently, when I'd had a little more than a very little caffeine, my head started to spin so badly that I considered leaving work because concentrating became almost impossible. (I relieved the sensation to a degree, interestingly, by chugging some G2 Gatorade.)
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Emotionally and spiritually, I'm struggling with my dad's death.
I knew I'd feel sorrow over losing dad, but, when he was alive, I never appreciated how large his presence was in my life.
I'm feeling that now, and attempting to adjust to it.
And, I've been off emotionally. And, and this is rare for me, I've had trouble being passionate about my life in Christ.
Ever since I began to consider the possibility that I am an APEST prophet, I have been on fire. That prophetic flame began to burn more than a decade ago, and, for all of that time, the flame only got hotter and hotter.
Until recently, when I had to struggle to care about caring.
I was dealing with the vertigo and, emotionally and spiritually, I was disoriented at the very least.
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The emotional and spiritual part began to turn,...we'll see if it is only temporarily as time moves forward...when Evie and I did an act of what? mercy? grace? toward a coworker of mine.
Her husband's health is failing. Several of his internal organs are showing signs of failure but he's not stable enough to have a couple of the surgeries he should have. He's been in an out of the hospital and has visiting nurses and aides...a total of three people coming into the home.
Their income from Social Security is very low. She's only part-time at the store but she has to work so they can just barely make ends meet.
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Every week, we set aside 10% plus a little more of our income as a tithe, which we use to obey the love commands of Jesus, particularly love your neighbor as yourself, love one another and even, when it's possible, love your enemy.
And, while our income's low-ish, 10% of it, when it accumulates, can make a difference in people's lives. And, we'd not used any of it for a few months.
So, we gave my coworker a check that equates to more than what I'm pretty certain is two week's gross pay plus a gift card equal to two weeks of the groceries she buys.
I told her that we hope she will use the money to finance days off for her to take her husband to appointments and treatments because she really does look very tired.
When I gave the gifts they were in an envelope, so she didn't know the amounts involved. But, she was appropriately thankful, which doesn't matter to me at all.
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In our gathering, we sometimes say that it's not grace or mercy unless it pinches to do it.
We had the money set aside already but setting aside the money on a regular basis certainly impacts our lifestyle on an ongoing basis.
This was the first time in sometime that I felt as if ANYTHING I did even remotely resembled the Way of Jesus.
That shook me out of my doldrums.
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