Depressed

The "me" who comes across on this blog is not the entire me. In fact, it's certainly authentic but probably only a splinter of the whole.


This blog is one vehicle I employ to speak prophesies and to journal my walk with Him as a subject of the Kingdom. The prophesies denounce the follies of the American institutional church. And, the manner of my walk is so far out of the norm that I'm certain it feels foreign to most of you who read this and I have no doubt that the way I live under the Lordship of Jesus offends some.


But, this blog depicts only a small part of the whole of me.


If you talked to my neighbors or my coworkers, I'm certain you'd be stunned to hear their take on me.


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I am reaching the conclusion that, for the first time in decades, I am depressed. I have lost my, well, joie de vivre (sorry for the French lingo).


The tipping point, it seems, was losing our dog.


I wrote a tribute to Maggie and put it on another of my blogs the other day.


Maggie truly had become an integral part of the gatherings that take place in our home. Our focus has settled on ministering to a small group of "least of these" people. And Maggie, who was everything a Golden Retriever could be, provided the perfect balance to me. Even at my softest, my focus, in the Spirit, is on repentance and righteousness. And, Maggie's presence provided balance that allowed me to be me without stifling the presence of the Spirit.


Evie and Maggie and me had, what seemed to me, to be a nice, good cop/bad cop/sweet cop way of functioning for the building of the Body. (I was the bad cop, Evie the good, Mags the sweet.)


And, the loss of Maggie, not as a pet, but as a ministry partner, leaves me a bit disoriented.


Her demise was the straw that broke the camel's back.


Evie is still not well. Mom and dad slide deeper and deeper into dementia. Today is the memorial service for my Aunt Greta. All of these, and others, are straws.


But, at the moment, how we live in ministry as people of the Kingdom going forward is unclear to me. I'm sure He will make it clear in His time, but He hasn't yet.


And, so, for now, I am depressed.