A General Comment on My Spiritual State as the Year Ends

This has been a significant year for me. I guess that, as a person ages, the years simply become more significant because there are fewer and fewer of them remaining. Nevertheless, this has been a traumatic twelve months. It has also been stressful.


Among the stresses is my parents' situation. I am getting old myself and both of my parents are still living and I do know that that is a blessing, believe me. Still, watching them deteriorate is difficult. Last week, my dad was very distressed. He told us that he and mom were "down in the south" when the Freddie Gray thing happened, that they saw it happen and that it was a terrible thing to witness. He was deeply agitated. Mom was frustrated that her memory is so bad that she couldn't remember it at all. We called her later to assure her that they were not witnesses


It is a helpless feeling to see the emotional component of what's going on in their minds.


More than ever, I don't want to get old.


--------------------


Of course, the most traumatic thing that happened to me personally is the decision of ERC mountaintoppers to defrock me, and to do it by so unbiblical a process which, in my heart, leaves me no option other than to refuse to accept it. Who knows how long that drama will take to reach its conclusion?


Not long after I began to embrace the truth that Christ will give APESTs to the church "until we all reach unity in the faith...," that is, until He returns, I began to live in my gifting as a prophet. And, almost from the beginning, I realized that living as a prophet is an extremely emotional way of living.


As a prophet, I tend to experience two emotions strongly, sometimes to the point that I am almost overpowered by them.  The two emotions are anger and sadness. Surprisingly to me, the stronger of the two is sadness.


I believe that I am called to be a prophetic voice to the CGGC. And, these days I am extremely sad for her. I've tried to come up with words to explain why I am sad. But, honestly, I have none that are worthy, other than to say that the sadness is not connected to my credentials.  I believe, though, that it is in the Spirit that I am sad.