The hypocrisy of the CGGC kills me.
The writing of the Mission and Vision Statements and the rewriting of the radically biblical We Believe all of which are divorced from behavior destroys all possibility that the body can walk in the power of the Spirit.
Paul says that everything that does not come from faith is sin.
And, we talk a huge talk completely unmatched by anything in our puny, little walk.
--------------
On the other hand, my mom has never heard the terms Mission and Vision Statements but her life has vision and she is on a finely honed mission.
For years, she's talked about caring for my eight-years-older-than-she father until the end of his life.
That is all she lives for.
--------------
Yesterday she fell again.
And, her health, for the moment at least, is in rapid decline.
She's been in the ER the last two days. Bottom line: She's bed ridden and will be in the nursing home part of the nursing home, perhaps for the rest of her life.
Dad and she will be living separately.
And...she's falling short of what has been her all-consuming life mission.
ALL CONSUMING SENSE OF DESPAIR ROOTED IN A BELIEF IN A FAILURE TO ACHIEVE LIFE'S MOST CRUCIAL TASK.
My question: How do you help someone genuinely living on mission deal with failure to achieve the mission?
In this case, it's a matter of life and death on a emotional, physical and spiritual level.
HEARTBREAK.
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
A Day that Began with Glory and Ended in Hell
Yesterday, July 11, was quite a day in which I wept tears of joy and, nearly, tears of despair--on the job.
--------------
The day began wonderfully.
Tuesday, on the job, is tough always. It's the shortest-handed day. And, this time I was scheduled to be in charge for my whole ten hours plus, because we have so few workers, do the job hands on a lot of the time as well.
Very early on the day, a woman went through the lane where I was running my register. Her items added up to $12.19. She had a can of Maxwell House coffee and a few related items. And, then, she couldn't find her debit card.
She was disoriented, which is not unusual very early in the day. Many people don't wake up well.
After a brief moment in which she couldn't find her card, I began to feel as that I should pay her bill. So, I got out my card and inserted it in the chip reader saying quietly, "I'll pay it for you."
Either she didn't hear me or didn't understand. She asked if I was going to pay and I paid while I answered.
She thanked me and, as people often do, let me a little further into her life. She told me that her nephew had just died and she was taking the coffee to join the family as they gathered.
I expressed my sympathy and said, "I just want to show you God's love in a practical way."
And, she began to cry.
We finished the transaction and there were no other customers, or employees, nearby. So, I asked, "How did you nephew die?"
"Overdose."
Something about that really hit me--probably because drug dependence has touched the lives of so many people I know--I began to tear up as well.
She told me that she had to drive into Lancaster which, at rush hour, can be hairy and she was concerned because she was having trouble focusing. I promised to pray for her and, later, when I had a free moment, I did.
By that time, another customer appeared. I said to my new friend, "Take care." And, I moved on.
A moment later, I felt something bump against the back of my left calf and I turned around. The woman was there and, when I turned, she hugged me. Then she left.
--------------
Not much after that, Evie texted and told me that mom's doctor had ordered mom to go the ER. The concern was that she had a broken hip.
As I've been writing, mom's health has been declining and I was deeply concerned.
I wanted to leave work to be with her but, on that day, there was no way I could leave the store.
And, the joy I'd been feeling from having a moment as an ambassador of the Kingdom of God was more than replaced.
I soon realized that I had to get myself in a position that I, the Kingdom ambassador, was not dealing with the public.
The remainder of the day was misery.
--------------
As it turns out, mom doesn't have a broken hip but they did find arthritis and suspect she has a muscle strain.
She is in a ton of pain and taking Vicodin plus extra Tylenol and Naproxen.
And, the pain continues.
--------------
The day began wonderfully.
Tuesday, on the job, is tough always. It's the shortest-handed day. And, this time I was scheduled to be in charge for my whole ten hours plus, because we have so few workers, do the job hands on a lot of the time as well.
Very early on the day, a woman went through the lane where I was running my register. Her items added up to $12.19. She had a can of Maxwell House coffee and a few related items. And, then, she couldn't find her debit card.
She was disoriented, which is not unusual very early in the day. Many people don't wake up well.
After a brief moment in which she couldn't find her card, I began to feel as that I should pay her bill. So, I got out my card and inserted it in the chip reader saying quietly, "I'll pay it for you."
Either she didn't hear me or didn't understand. She asked if I was going to pay and I paid while I answered.
She thanked me and, as people often do, let me a little further into her life. She told me that her nephew had just died and she was taking the coffee to join the family as they gathered.
I expressed my sympathy and said, "I just want to show you God's love in a practical way."
And, she began to cry.
We finished the transaction and there were no other customers, or employees, nearby. So, I asked, "How did you nephew die?"
"Overdose."
Something about that really hit me--probably because drug dependence has touched the lives of so many people I know--I began to tear up as well.
She told me that she had to drive into Lancaster which, at rush hour, can be hairy and she was concerned because she was having trouble focusing. I promised to pray for her and, later, when I had a free moment, I did.
By that time, another customer appeared. I said to my new friend, "Take care." And, I moved on.
A moment later, I felt something bump against the back of my left calf and I turned around. The woman was there and, when I turned, she hugged me. Then she left.
--------------
Not much after that, Evie texted and told me that mom's doctor had ordered mom to go the ER. The concern was that she had a broken hip.
As I've been writing, mom's health has been declining and I was deeply concerned.
I wanted to leave work to be with her but, on that day, there was no way I could leave the store.
And, the joy I'd been feeling from having a moment as an ambassador of the Kingdom of God was more than replaced.
I soon realized that I had to get myself in a position that I, the Kingdom ambassador, was not dealing with the public.
The remainder of the day was misery.
--------------
As it turns out, mom doesn't have a broken hip but they did find arthritis and suspect she has a muscle strain.
She is in a ton of pain and taking Vicodin plus extra Tylenol and Naproxen.
And, the pain continues.
Sunday, July 9, 2017
The Leadership Style of Jesus
If you read this blog regularly, you know that I think institutionalized western Christianity's recent faddish pursuit of leadership development is both theologically corrupt and doomed to disastrous failure.
As far as theological corruption is concerned:
In a kingdom, the only leader is the King. So, when an institutional hierarch presents him/herself as a leader who hopes to develop other leaders for the Kingdom of God, something that closely resembles blasphemy takes place.
I've challenged the self-perceived leaders in my own faith tradition to think carefully about the significance of what they are doing when they present themselves as leaders hoping to develop other leaders...but, to no avail.
As far as doomed to disastrous failure is concerned:
When I think about leadership as Jesus practiced it, I have to guffaw at the image of today's denominational hierarchs attempting Jesus-style leadership.
Imagine it happening:
When Jesus presented Himself as a leader and challenged others to commit to His leadership, He offered this invitation (I'll translate literally):
"Come after me." (That adverb could also render the invitation, "Come behind me.")
The adverb there is opiso, the same word Jesus used when He said to Peter: "Get behind me, Satan." (Mt. 16:23)
And that is how the leadership of Jesus worked.
That adverb is the essence of Jesus-style leadership.
When Jesus led, He literally, physically, led.
Jesus went from place to place and the people who embraced His leadership challenge went behind Him...
...literally.
In a physical way, they actually followed Him...from place to place. In the most literal way, they walked in His steps.
The leadership of Jesus was literally leadership and following Him was following Him. There was nothing symbolic or metaphorical about it.
--------------
Now, do you see the humor?
In my denomination as an example, the executives who occupy offices in the headquarters buildings hope to develop other leaders. Yet, imagine those hierarchs practicing Jesus-style leadership.
Can you picture anyone going behind your Bishop or Executive Director or whatever his/her title might be?
What would that person do? Sit on a chair in the back of the corner office for hours on end as the leader boned up on reports written by other denominational hierarchs? Then, sitting in that same corner office chair, watch the leader tap away on a keyboard, writing his/her own reports?
Then, what? Mosey, following behind the leader down a hallway to a meeting room to doodle, in the back of the room, while that, uh, leader leads a meeting of one of the many committees, commissions and task forces of which s/he is a member?
And, the next day, sit, I guess in the back seat (trunk, perhaps) of a car while the leader drives, or is driven depending on the denominational budget, to an out-of-town conference or committee or commission or task force meeting, then sitting in the back of the room?
--------------
Today's church leaders can't develop leaders because they are not followable!
While they presume the ability to lead in the Kingdom, the lives of the self-proclaimed leaders in the church bear absolutely no resemblance to the life Jesus lived.
Peter and James and John could go behind Jesus because Jesus was going somewhere...
...And, where Jesus went and what He did when He got there was followable...
...And, doing the things Jesus did and repeating the things Jesus said are precisely the things that make a person righteous. Obedient. A disciple. A FOLLOWER.
--------------
The adverb opiso absolutely pollutes the Gospels but it also appears a few times in the New Testament in Acts and in the writings of Paul and Peter and Jude and in Revelation.
But, never as a part of a leadership challenge. Neither Peter, nor Paul nor anyone else after Jesus presented themselves as a leader to be followed. None said, "Come behind me."
They used the verb mimeomai. Can you see the word mimic there?
Modern translations make it imitate. "You yourselves know how you should imitate us." (2 Thessalonians 3:7) Mimic. Not follow.
Paul and his coworkers didn't suggest people should follow them. Jesus is Lord. Follow Jesus. And, imitate us as we ourselves follow the Lord.
The problem with the hierarchs today is that, while it's a laugh for them to think that they should be followed in the way Jesus was followed, it's tragic to think they would be imitated in the way Paul or Silas or Timothy could be.
I personally know some hierarchs. On the level of who they are, they are mimickable.
But, as hierarchs, fulfilling their job descriptions written by the institutionalists of previous decades and generations, the notion that someone would imitate what they actually do with their lives is knee-slappingly laughable.
Pardon me for framing it this way, but we must drain the institutional swamp.
We must repent.
As far as theological corruption is concerned:
In a kingdom, the only leader is the King. So, when an institutional hierarch presents him/herself as a leader who hopes to develop other leaders for the Kingdom of God, something that closely resembles blasphemy takes place.
I've challenged the self-perceived leaders in my own faith tradition to think carefully about the significance of what they are doing when they present themselves as leaders hoping to develop other leaders...but, to no avail.
As far as doomed to disastrous failure is concerned:
When I think about leadership as Jesus practiced it, I have to guffaw at the image of today's denominational hierarchs attempting Jesus-style leadership.
Imagine it happening:
When Jesus presented Himself as a leader and challenged others to commit to His leadership, He offered this invitation (I'll translate literally):
"Come after me." (That adverb could also render the invitation, "Come behind me.")
The adverb there is opiso, the same word Jesus used when He said to Peter: "Get behind me, Satan." (Mt. 16:23)
And that is how the leadership of Jesus worked.
That adverb is the essence of Jesus-style leadership.
When Jesus led, He literally, physically, led.
Jesus went from place to place and the people who embraced His leadership challenge went behind Him...
...literally.
In a physical way, they actually followed Him...from place to place. In the most literal way, they walked in His steps.
The leadership of Jesus was literally leadership and following Him was following Him. There was nothing symbolic or metaphorical about it.
--------------
Now, do you see the humor?
In my denomination as an example, the executives who occupy offices in the headquarters buildings hope to develop other leaders. Yet, imagine those hierarchs practicing Jesus-style leadership.
Can you picture anyone going behind your Bishop or Executive Director or whatever his/her title might be?
What would that person do? Sit on a chair in the back of the corner office for hours on end as the leader boned up on reports written by other denominational hierarchs? Then, sitting in that same corner office chair, watch the leader tap away on a keyboard, writing his/her own reports?
Then, what? Mosey, following behind the leader down a hallway to a meeting room to doodle, in the back of the room, while that, uh, leader leads a meeting of one of the many committees, commissions and task forces of which s/he is a member?
And, the next day, sit, I guess in the back seat (trunk, perhaps) of a car while the leader drives, or is driven depending on the denominational budget, to an out-of-town conference or committee or commission or task force meeting, then sitting in the back of the room?
--------------
Today's church leaders can't develop leaders because they are not followable!
While they presume the ability to lead in the Kingdom, the lives of the self-proclaimed leaders in the church bear absolutely no resemblance to the life Jesus lived.
Peter and James and John could go behind Jesus because Jesus was going somewhere...
...And, where Jesus went and what He did when He got there was followable...
...And, doing the things Jesus did and repeating the things Jesus said are precisely the things that make a person righteous. Obedient. A disciple. A FOLLOWER.
--------------
The adverb opiso absolutely pollutes the Gospels but it also appears a few times in the New Testament in Acts and in the writings of Paul and Peter and Jude and in Revelation.
But, never as a part of a leadership challenge. Neither Peter, nor Paul nor anyone else after Jesus presented themselves as a leader to be followed. None said, "Come behind me."
They used the verb mimeomai. Can you see the word mimic there?
Modern translations make it imitate. "You yourselves know how you should imitate us." (2 Thessalonians 3:7) Mimic. Not follow.
Paul and his coworkers didn't suggest people should follow them. Jesus is Lord. Follow Jesus. And, imitate us as we ourselves follow the Lord.
The problem with the hierarchs today is that, while it's a laugh for them to think that they should be followed in the way Jesus was followed, it's tragic to think they would be imitated in the way Paul or Silas or Timothy could be.
I personally know some hierarchs. On the level of who they are, they are mimickable.
But, as hierarchs, fulfilling their job descriptions written by the institutionalists of previous decades and generations, the notion that someone would imitate what they actually do with their lives is knee-slappingly laughable.
Pardon me for framing it this way, but we must drain the institutional swamp.
We must repent.
Friday, July 7, 2017
"How Dare You Take what I Write Seriously!"
A newsletter is a shepherd thing. It's flock- focused--especially in the way CGGC mountaintoppers do it.
For me, there's one every week from the ERC.
And, of course, there's the eNews from the General Conference, which is not really a General Conference newsletter as much as it is about the whims and reflections, the travels and the dreams and the nightmares of the current occupier of the corner office in Findlay.
And, there have been times that The CHURCH ADVOCATE has been little more than a flock-following newsletter.
And, I read all of them...with care...and I take them seriously.
No one who writes for the various denominational publications has ever told me that I shouldn't read them carefully or take them seriously but, as I've said in the past, one of them has told me that he wishes I wouldn't read him as carefully as I do.
--------------
In a shepherd driven religious body in which relationship is everything and truth is virtually nothing, what a mountaintopper writes, by the very nature of the body's cultural values, means nothing, except that s/he wrote something to make contact and maintain the relationship.
And, if a person lower on the hierarchy reads what's written at all, the content of what's written is not taken seriously. Merely noting that something was written is enough to maintain the tepid, tolerance-oriented relationship that the CGGC today is built on.
--------------
One way that I bring APEST balance to the CGGC community is to read what mountaintoppers write as if truth matters.
Hence, I noted recently that Dr. Richardson has written that he believes that the church is built on pastors functioning as Middle Ages parish priests when, at the same time, he wants to lead the Conference in changing direction to abandon the very model of ministry he believes in.
And, just yesterday, I noted that Lance believes that people who are gifted to be shepherds and teachers are actually discredited and underappreciated in the church today and that we have to take care as we embrace ministry driven by apostles, prophets and evangelists.
Huh?!
--------------
I'll say this:
No one made Dr. Richardson promote, as central to the ministry of the church, the parish priest as the provider of cradle to grave religious products and services to a passive laity. And, on his own, Lance urged us to be careful to give credit to and to properly appreciate shepherds and teachers as we conduct ministry under the giftedness of APEs.
I've known both of these guys for decades. I love and like both of them.
But, our body is in a free fall decline.
And, despite the relationship-is-everything values that have driven our body during all of the decades of its decline,...
...truth matters.
We need to seize the future embracing truth, being served by men and women unafraid of the truth.
We must become people who, at least, consider the value of truth.
We must repent.
For me, there's one every week from the ERC.
And, of course, there's the eNews from the General Conference, which is not really a General Conference newsletter as much as it is about the whims and reflections, the travels and the dreams and the nightmares of the current occupier of the corner office in Findlay.
And, there have been times that The CHURCH ADVOCATE has been little more than a flock-following newsletter.
And, I read all of them...with care...and I take them seriously.
No one who writes for the various denominational publications has ever told me that I shouldn't read them carefully or take them seriously but, as I've said in the past, one of them has told me that he wishes I wouldn't read him as carefully as I do.
--------------
In a shepherd driven religious body in which relationship is everything and truth is virtually nothing, what a mountaintopper writes, by the very nature of the body's cultural values, means nothing, except that s/he wrote something to make contact and maintain the relationship.
And, if a person lower on the hierarchy reads what's written at all, the content of what's written is not taken seriously. Merely noting that something was written is enough to maintain the tepid, tolerance-oriented relationship that the CGGC today is built on.
--------------
One way that I bring APEST balance to the CGGC community is to read what mountaintoppers write as if truth matters.
Hence, I noted recently that Dr. Richardson has written that he believes that the church is built on pastors functioning as Middle Ages parish priests when, at the same time, he wants to lead the Conference in changing direction to abandon the very model of ministry he believes in.
And, just yesterday, I noted that Lance believes that people who are gifted to be shepherds and teachers are actually discredited and underappreciated in the church today and that we have to take care as we embrace ministry driven by apostles, prophets and evangelists.
Huh?!
--------------
I'll say this:
No one made Dr. Richardson promote, as central to the ministry of the church, the parish priest as the provider of cradle to grave religious products and services to a passive laity. And, on his own, Lance urged us to be careful to give credit to and to properly appreciate shepherds and teachers as we conduct ministry under the giftedness of APEs.
I've known both of these guys for decades. I love and like both of them.
But, our body is in a free fall decline.
And, despite the relationship-is-everything values that have driven our body during all of the decades of its decline,...
...truth matters.
We need to seize the future embracing truth, being served by men and women unafraid of the truth.
We must become people who, at least, consider the value of truth.
We must repent.
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Lance on APEST in the latest eNews
Last week's eNews was on a very personal topic for Lance however, even then, Lance stepped aside from the personal to address a big picture issue.
He mentioned APEST and noted the importance of recognizing all of the gifts mentioned in Ephesians 4:11-13.
He noted that, for too long, the "church" has tried to function without the "gift expression" of apostles, prophets and evangelists and he, then, added this phrase,
"alongside pastors (shepherds) and teachers."
Lance then laments that when the role of the APEs is embraced that same conversation often discredits and underappreciates the role of shepherds and teachers.
I have three comments:
First, I don't know who in the CGGC is discrediting and underappreciating shepherds and teachers. To this moment, the CGGC I know is still all about shepherds and teachers! What is one thing that the General Conference has actually DONE that diminishes the roles of shepherds and teachers??? What is a single thing DONE that places too much emphasis on the APE gifts and the people in the body gifted to be them? My network of correspondents in the ERC is leading me to think that the proposed restructuring of the Conference will focus significantly on the issue of the health of the PASTOR. Discredit? Underappreciate? the role of shepherds and teachers? I'm not seeing anything close to that anywhere in the CGGC.
Second, (perhaps due to the translation he was quoting from) Lance committed the nearly unforgivable sin of equating the spiritual gift of being a shepherd with the institutional church's invention of the role of the pastor/cleric/parish priest. THERE WERE SHEPHERDS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BUT THERE WERE NO PASTORS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT! As long as the mountaintoppers continue to write the parish priest into the New Testament, the CGGC will be out of step with the Holy Spirit and the will of God!
Third, this blog never, ever discredits or underappreciates the gifting of the shepherd and teacher. I've been understood as doing that and I've been accused of doing it for years. But, I don't do that and I never will. However, I do attack as openly and aggressively as I can the institution that perverted an essential and critically important spiritual empowerment to invent the role of the congregational pastor.
Thanks, Lance, for raising the issue. I hope, probably against hope, that there will be more conversation about it than my rant here.
----------------
I'm adding this comment about three hours after publishing what comes before.
I've been thinking about Lance's assertion that when people call for a rediscovery of all of the APEST gifts they often do it in a way that discredits and underappreciates the work of shepherds and teachers.
And, I have to say that I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN MANY CONVERSIONS THAT CALL FOR THE REDISCOVERY OF APEST GIFTS AND I HAVE NEVER, EVER HEARD A PERSON ADVOCATING APEST DIMINISH THE IMPORTANCE OF SHEPHERDS AND TEACHERS.
I do suspect that shepherds holding institutional power feel threatened and imagine that that happens. But, in my experience, it has never happened.
Ever!
Quite to the contrary, advocates of APEST love and embrace the shepherd and teacher gifts and yearn to live in 1 Corinthians 12 mutual submission with those people.
If what Lance describes actually happens in his presence, he needs to associate with another set of people.
He mentioned APEST and noted the importance of recognizing all of the gifts mentioned in Ephesians 4:11-13.
He noted that, for too long, the "church" has tried to function without the "gift expression" of apostles, prophets and evangelists and he, then, added this phrase,
"alongside pastors (shepherds) and teachers."
Lance then laments that when the role of the APEs is embraced that same conversation often discredits and underappreciates the role of shepherds and teachers.
I have three comments:
First, I don't know who in the CGGC is discrediting and underappreciating shepherds and teachers. To this moment, the CGGC I know is still all about shepherds and teachers! What is one thing that the General Conference has actually DONE that diminishes the roles of shepherds and teachers??? What is a single thing DONE that places too much emphasis on the APE gifts and the people in the body gifted to be them? My network of correspondents in the ERC is leading me to think that the proposed restructuring of the Conference will focus significantly on the issue of the health of the PASTOR. Discredit? Underappreciate? the role of shepherds and teachers? I'm not seeing anything close to that anywhere in the CGGC.
Second, (perhaps due to the translation he was quoting from) Lance committed the nearly unforgivable sin of equating the spiritual gift of being a shepherd with the institutional church's invention of the role of the pastor/cleric/parish priest. THERE WERE SHEPHERDS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BUT THERE WERE NO PASTORS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT! As long as the mountaintoppers continue to write the parish priest into the New Testament, the CGGC will be out of step with the Holy Spirit and the will of God!
Third, this blog never, ever discredits or underappreciates the gifting of the shepherd and teacher. I've been understood as doing that and I've been accused of doing it for years. But, I don't do that and I never will. However, I do attack as openly and aggressively as I can the institution that perverted an essential and critically important spiritual empowerment to invent the role of the congregational pastor.
Thanks, Lance, for raising the issue. I hope, probably against hope, that there will be more conversation about it than my rant here.
----------------
I'm adding this comment about three hours after publishing what comes before.
I've been thinking about Lance's assertion that when people call for a rediscovery of all of the APEST gifts they often do it in a way that discredits and underappreciates the work of shepherds and teachers.
And, I have to say that I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN MANY CONVERSIONS THAT CALL FOR THE REDISCOVERY OF APEST GIFTS AND I HAVE NEVER, EVER HEARD A PERSON ADVOCATING APEST DIMINISH THE IMPORTANCE OF SHEPHERDS AND TEACHERS.
I do suspect that shepherds holding institutional power feel threatened and imagine that that happens. But, in my experience, it has never happened.
Ever!
Quite to the contrary, advocates of APEST love and embrace the shepherd and teacher gifts and yearn to live in 1 Corinthians 12 mutual submission with those people.
If what Lance describes actually happens in his presence, he needs to associate with another set of people.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Degenerative Disc Disease...and Living in the Kingdom of God
I have it.
I'm a geezer and, by my age, back problems are fairly common.
Shortly after I began working at the Front End of the store, nearly four years ago, I twisted my back and messed things up, had an Xray, got a note from my doctor excusing me from a week of work, returned to work with my back still feeling tender but survived.
Last week, off the job, I did too many twisty things and, suddenly felt a, uh, twinge, and knew things were out of line.
They still are, though I've kept up my work schedule...so far...in pain.
I have more responsibility now than I did then and others on the management team would be effected if I'd call off from work, so I'm trying to struggle through. But, it's not easy and I don't want to create more serious, permanent physical problems for myself.
I realize that I often don't have good judgment when dealing with things like pain and injury. And, I don't take advice well. So, this is a real emotional as well as physical struggle.
-------------
At times like this, I think about how I got to the place I am at.
For many years, I lived a financially and physically comfortable life as a congregational pastor.
But, the time came, as I immersed myself in the Word, that I reached the point that I didn't believe in the life I was living.
I concluded that there is no place for a congregational pastor in the Kingdom whose coming Jesus preached. It also had no place in the so-called church that developed as a result of the ministry of the Apostles in Christianity's first generation.
For a few years, I tried to live in my prophetic calling while I still worked under the title "Pastor." But, that didn't work for the congregation or for me.
If there is no place for a congregational pastor in the Kingdom of God, there is certainly no place for a congregational pastor living as a prophet in the Kingdom of God.
----------------
So, I now work at a job I can believe in. I am in the world. As a pastor, I was so involved with parish priest duties that I was rarely in the world.
I dumped the title of pastor and see myself as an ambassador, not of the church, but of the Kingdom and as a herald of the King.
Degenerative Disk Disease would be no issue if I was still a pastor/parish priest but it is now. We'd have a lot more money to live on if I was still a parish priest but, I sleep better at night, even in physical pain, than I did as a pastor.
----------------
And...
....as I've said a few times before, I am practicing what many on my denominational mountaintop preach.
One of the dysfunctions of my Conference is that it talks what it talks yet it expelled what's left of the ministry here where we practice that talk.
And, rumors continue to circulate that the Conference recalled my credentials in 2016. (I have difficulty believing that because I was never charged with any "crime" against the Conference and there is no one more openly and aggressively supportive of church doctrine and Mission and Vision than I am.
And, of course, I've never been advised that my credentials have been recalled.
So, I struggle with a bad back and live as an ambassador of the Kingdom of God and as a herald of the King, living the life advocated by church, uh, leaders...
...as a voice crying in the wilderness.
Go figure!
Who could make this up?
I'm a geezer and, by my age, back problems are fairly common.
Shortly after I began working at the Front End of the store, nearly four years ago, I twisted my back and messed things up, had an Xray, got a note from my doctor excusing me from a week of work, returned to work with my back still feeling tender but survived.
Last week, off the job, I did too many twisty things and, suddenly felt a, uh, twinge, and knew things were out of line.
They still are, though I've kept up my work schedule...so far...in pain.
I have more responsibility now than I did then and others on the management team would be effected if I'd call off from work, so I'm trying to struggle through. But, it's not easy and I don't want to create more serious, permanent physical problems for myself.
I realize that I often don't have good judgment when dealing with things like pain and injury. And, I don't take advice well. So, this is a real emotional as well as physical struggle.
-------------
At times like this, I think about how I got to the place I am at.
For many years, I lived a financially and physically comfortable life as a congregational pastor.
But, the time came, as I immersed myself in the Word, that I reached the point that I didn't believe in the life I was living.
I concluded that there is no place for a congregational pastor in the Kingdom whose coming Jesus preached. It also had no place in the so-called church that developed as a result of the ministry of the Apostles in Christianity's first generation.
For a few years, I tried to live in my prophetic calling while I still worked under the title "Pastor." But, that didn't work for the congregation or for me.
If there is no place for a congregational pastor in the Kingdom of God, there is certainly no place for a congregational pastor living as a prophet in the Kingdom of God.
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So, I now work at a job I can believe in. I am in the world. As a pastor, I was so involved with parish priest duties that I was rarely in the world.
I dumped the title of pastor and see myself as an ambassador, not of the church, but of the Kingdom and as a herald of the King.
Degenerative Disk Disease would be no issue if I was still a pastor/parish priest but it is now. We'd have a lot more money to live on if I was still a parish priest but, I sleep better at night, even in physical pain, than I did as a pastor.
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And...
....as I've said a few times before, I am practicing what many on my denominational mountaintop preach.
One of the dysfunctions of my Conference is that it talks what it talks yet it expelled what's left of the ministry here where we practice that talk.
And, rumors continue to circulate that the Conference recalled my credentials in 2016. (I have difficulty believing that because I was never charged with any "crime" against the Conference and there is no one more openly and aggressively supportive of church doctrine and Mission and Vision than I am.
And, of course, I've never been advised that my credentials have been recalled.
So, I struggle with a bad back and live as an ambassador of the Kingdom of God and as a herald of the King, living the life advocated by church, uh, leaders...
...as a voice crying in the wilderness.
Go figure!
Who could make this up?
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Watching My Mom's Body and My Dad's Mind Deteriorate
It's been a tough month emotionally for our family.
As I've posted, mom fell and, to use laymen's terms, crushed her tailbone about a month ago. There is no way to repair the damage.
Mom's tough. In all my years, I've rarely heard her complain, except about the behavior of my brother and me as we were growing up.
Since the fall, she been telling us how bad the pain is and she grunts and groans when she moves. She been on a narcotic for the pain. Last week, Evie and she met with her doctor to address the issue of pain management and possible addiction to the drug.
Through all of that, dad is oblivious. His dementia is so advanced that he doesn't remember that she fell or that she is in pain. And, it seems to be beyond him to care.
His memory is all but shot. He still knows mom but usually doesn't understand that they are married--or what means. He still recognizes me and usually knows my name but usually doesn't understand that I am his son. He knows Evie but can't put it together that I am married to her. (He responds when we refer to him as dad but it may be because he thinks that dad is a nickname.)
As far gone as his mind is, his body's still mobile. He moves slowly, using his "stick," but he can still ambulate.
And, that's a problem.
Mom can't keep up with him and, in her pain, doesn't care to.
And, with dementia herself, often doesn't use good judgment when dealing with dad.
So,...
...the staff of the home is suggesting that they move to a smaller room on another floor of the facility where there will be more contact between the staff and mom and dad.
Currently, mom and dad have a very nice two room apartment. The move will be a major step down for them.
Mom seems to be okay with the move. I take this to be an indication of how intense her pain is.
Dad, on the other hand, doesn't understand or, from moment to moment, remember. We've re-explained the move and the reasons for it more times than I can count. And, they only found out about the move six days ago.
He's never accepted change well. So, the stress of his understanding and resisting will he hard on us all, especially mom. Dad's sweet. But he can be a handful.
The move takes place tomorrow.
Unfortunately, tomorrow, July 3, will be one of the busiest days of the year at the store and I'm scheduled to work for ten hours.
The rest of the family will be around for mom and dad, and I'm thankful for that.
The emotion of all of this is crushing. All of us are exhausted.
As I've posted, mom fell and, to use laymen's terms, crushed her tailbone about a month ago. There is no way to repair the damage.
Mom's tough. In all my years, I've rarely heard her complain, except about the behavior of my brother and me as we were growing up.
Since the fall, she been telling us how bad the pain is and she grunts and groans when she moves. She been on a narcotic for the pain. Last week, Evie and she met with her doctor to address the issue of pain management and possible addiction to the drug.
Through all of that, dad is oblivious. His dementia is so advanced that he doesn't remember that she fell or that she is in pain. And, it seems to be beyond him to care.
His memory is all but shot. He still knows mom but usually doesn't understand that they are married--or what means. He still recognizes me and usually knows my name but usually doesn't understand that I am his son. He knows Evie but can't put it together that I am married to her. (He responds when we refer to him as dad but it may be because he thinks that dad is a nickname.)
As far gone as his mind is, his body's still mobile. He moves slowly, using his "stick," but he can still ambulate.
And, that's a problem.
Mom can't keep up with him and, in her pain, doesn't care to.
And, with dementia herself, often doesn't use good judgment when dealing with dad.
So,...
...the staff of the home is suggesting that they move to a smaller room on another floor of the facility where there will be more contact between the staff and mom and dad.
Currently, mom and dad have a very nice two room apartment. The move will be a major step down for them.
Mom seems to be okay with the move. I take this to be an indication of how intense her pain is.
Dad, on the other hand, doesn't understand or, from moment to moment, remember. We've re-explained the move and the reasons for it more times than I can count. And, they only found out about the move six days ago.
He's never accepted change well. So, the stress of his understanding and resisting will he hard on us all, especially mom. Dad's sweet. But he can be a handful.
The move takes place tomorrow.
Unfortunately, tomorrow, July 3, will be one of the busiest days of the year at the store and I'm scheduled to work for ten hours.
The rest of the family will be around for mom and dad, and I'm thankful for that.
The emotion of all of this is crushing. All of us are exhausted.
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